Are We Too Hard On Our Boys?

At school our sons keep it together. At home, flushing the toilet is well beyond their capability. This leads to a litany of “hurry up, put that down, stop doing that, start doing this” from their mothers. But are we too hard on our boys? We had an “aha moment” after reading this question posed by parenting expert Wendy Mogel:

What percentage of your communication with your son consists of nagging, reminding, chastising or yelling?

We’re going to respectfully decline to answer that question, as is our Fifth Amendment right. But we love Mogel’s solution: Talk to them like dogs. Really. Read the whole article; it’s a real perspective-changer. Mogel suggests that as our children’s lives become more intense and more structured, with ever-increasing homework when they finally get home, our boys are losing their chances to run and bark and chew on shoes (metaphorically). And that that’s leading to all sorts of issues.

In this episode we discuss:

how studies have proven that we treat infant daughters and sons differently- even before they can speak

how to fight against the parenting norms of what David Lancy calls “WEIRD societies” (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic)

why the key to our sons’ happiness can often be found in the garage

how to be interested (really interested) in what our sons are interested in. Even if it’s Fortnite.

Here’s links to studies and research and other things we discuss:

David Lancy in Human Relations Area Files: A Cross-Cultural Perspective on Childhood

Andrew Reiner for the NYT: Talking To Boys the Way We Talk To Girls

Dr. Edward Tronick, et al, for Harvard Medical School and Developmental Psychology: Gender differences in emotional expressivity and self-regulation during early infancy

St. Augustine Prep School website: Anxiety in Young Boys is Not Normal

2017 Emory study: Child gender influences paternal behavior and language

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