DEEP DIVE: Rule Breaker Or Rule Follower: Which Are You?

This month's Deep Dive series is about flouting parenting rules and advice that don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here.

Are you a rule breaker or a rule follower? Are you married to your opposite? We're both rule followers, and when one builds a life with someone who sees the "NO DOGS IN THE LAKE" sign as an invitation to let the golden retriever go for a swim, one is caught between two bad choices: swallow the horrible anxiety that others might think *you* are the sort of person who has zero consideration for clearly posted signage, or be the stick in the mud who can never loosen up a little.

In this episode we discuss why both kinds of people exist, and bump up against each other– and

• why the "no rules pool" isn't as fun as it sounds
• how rules limit possibilities, good and bad
• why humans tend to create more rules during and after times of struggle
• whether kids are born to be rule followers

It's worth the struggle to find the balance for our families. In order for our kids to have the secret thrill of breaking a rule, there need to be a few rules there in the first place.

Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

• Michele Gelfand: Rule Makers, Rule Breakers: How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire Our World
• Diane Spear: Play By the Relationship Rules!
• Michele Gelfand for The Guardian: Why countries with 'loose', rule-breaking cultures have been hit harder by Covid
• Wikipedia: Rumspringa

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour



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