What Happened to My Sweet Child?

Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group:

My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help!

In this episode, we explain why

• these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal
• almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior
• and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature.

These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead.

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Rebecca Onion for Slate: Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today
• Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control
• Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: What Exactly Is Stress?
• Louise Bates Ames: Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour



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